I’m Sorry

The new life one without parents or responsibility, no rules applied. The one you dream about when you’re in school, where you can do or say anything you want. A place where no one can tell you there are too many band posters hanging up because they are hanging in almost every room of the house. No one tells you what time to go to sleep or what time to wake up. The only thing that is asked of you is to pay part of the phone bill and to contribute for food.

However, I should say this I learned a lot while living with Diana and Janet. I learned a lot about myself and living with others.  Really I guess we all learned. When I graduated high school I weighed 185 pounds. When I moved from living with them I was at 135 pounds. Was it diet? I don’t think so and I know it wasn’t exercised either. It was that for the first time in my life I actually liked myself and was not surrounded by negative stuff. I was allowed to be me and that was the only person I had to please.

When I first moved in Diana asked me something. “Why do you say I am sorry all the time?”

I looked at her funny. What was she talking about? I didn’t do that. At least I didn’t think I did. She was right as she made mention of it every time I did it. When she posed the question again as to why it made me think. The more I thought about it I began to realize that is how I was programmed by my mother. Since the divorce, I had taken it upon myself to say sorry for everything that was wrong in our lives even though I may have had nothing to do with it. My mother never stopped me. I guess it made her feel better that someone else was taking the responsibility away from her. This was the first lesson I learned about me.

© 2015 – 2017 copyright D.M. Needom all rights reserved.

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2 thoughts on “I’m Sorry

  1. Girls are programmed to apologize for everything, all the time – and why? To make other people feel better? To shift blame and responsibility? To become more (or less) visible? Sure – all of the above and many more buttons installed by patriarchy (Original Sin – the ultimate in I’m Sorry!). Why? Well, if the girls and women make all the apologies, the boys and men are free to pursue whatever they like. (DISCLAIMER: Not all men, of course. Just the non-feminist ones.) Time to stand-up girls! No more apologizing for nothing – I promise, the world will continue on its axis – and see how much better you feel!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I felt great when I stopped apologizing. It was such a powerful thing to not feel the guilt or the shame. As you said there are too many girls that are taught to take on all the blame and the shame. I agree 100% time to stand up.

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