The Question is Why?


When Death occurs and no one is sick we are all left to wonder why? Why did this have to happen? None of it makes sense. It leaves us numb. In our grief we can’t find the logic, after all none of it makes sense. I lived with this for a long time. Why did she do it? Why had my mother killed herself? Mental illness comes to mind but was there something else?

Last night, I got a call I never expected, a call regarding one of my lifelong friends. Her husband of nearly thirteen years shot her before shooting himself. Why? How could this be? These were my reactions among many others. My heart ached not for only my loss but for her immediate family and her BFF. Such a senseless act to such a loving and sweet woman. As I sat there with tears streaming down my face, I thought of the conversations with my friend and how she was happy and all seemed good. Heck, her husband had come up to Chicago for training and was going to be gone for Easter. He knew how bad she had wanted him home for Easter, so he and another guy drove the long trip from Chicago to Shreveport to be with their families. A man who is willing to do this for their wife doesn’t kill them, do they? He had started a new job and that seemed to be going well. There was mention of jealousy that my friend was spending too much time with her five year old granddaughter, but once again in all the pictures with him and the granddaughter everything seemed normal and happy. So my mind was left back to why?

My logical and investigative mind of my old career wouldn’t let it go, that was when a light bulb went off. I went back several days on my friend’s Facebook feed May 27th to be exact. Her husband had been in the ER for Kidney Stones. At this point if you are still with me, you may be thinking no big deal, but honestly it is.

You see we go to Doctors and they give us medication that is supposed to help cure us. There have been clinical trials and well sometimes they don’t tell you how dire something might be. You see it is much easier to pay for the few casualties that may come from a drug as opposed to the profits that the company makes, after all for them it is just the coast of doing business.

Anyway, after he was released she posted the medication he was given besides pain pills. So last night as my mind fought for answers I looked up the side effects. BINGO! There it was clear as day.

Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts

Restlessness and irritability

While I’m not saying that this is what caused this, it’s a strong possibility.

When medication is given there isn’t a big warning about this usually. The doctor of pharmacist will advise you of the common side effects if you’re lucky but we don’t discuss the rare ones.

As much as I hate that my Mother took her own life it gave me valuable perspective that some may not have. When I’ve been on a medication and my thoughts turn dark, I know it isn’t me. When I come to the point that I think people would be better off without me or that I don’t matter or anything along those lines, I know to step back and get off the meds. Problem is most people don’t see the signs. They don’t recognize that inner voice for what it is. I’ve actually had a doctor tell me it was good that I took myself off of it.

So we are still left with why? Why are the drugs just given out and there isn’t a big warning when you are given the prescription? Oh it maybe in the flyer you get but shouldn’t this be something they tell you to be on the lookout for. What if you don’t know why you are feeling this way? What if you don’t recognize this? What if the dark thoughts win?

If they do an innocent life is lost and in some case more than one. So next time you get a prescription that you think will fix your simple problem; read the flyer,  pay attention to your body and your thoughts, it could just very well save your life and possibly someone else.

© 2016 copyright D.M. Needom


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