There are times in our life where we welcome the old familiar without hesitation; a friend from the past, an old love or maybe just a bad habit that comes creeping back in.
The habit usually leads us to regret. That cheat food leads to more cheat food as well. We rationalize we were already bad so why not we can be better tomorrow. I suppose the same is true for the alcoholic or drug addict, they think I’m strong enough to have that one drink. It won’t cost me my sobriety. It isn’t until they are on the other side of it a find their sobriety slipping that they might realize if they are lucky enough to that they aren’t as strong as they think they are. However, the strength does come when they realize what they are doing.
However, food, alcohol or drug addiction wasn’t the reason for this post. No this post is a result of something that started about a month ago on June 26th to be exact. Suddenly, a friend from High School reached out and said she had had dinner with another mutual friend and the friend wanted to talk as she missed me. Last time I talked to much less saw this person was in 1986 and well in all this time I hadn’t missed her. She really hadn’t even been a passing thought. If she crept in there were not many positive memories.
Well, said friend had recently discovered Facebook. So we became friends on there. Her idea of what messenger was and mine were two different things. She thought that my photos were her personal let me catch you up on my life. She would post I would send a response in messenger and then she’d respond on my pictures. After deleting several comments I decided to get her number from a friend just because, I was tired of dealing with her on FB.
I was hesitant to call. I have friends, I can go years without speaking and fall easily into a conversation, from the moment I dialed the number I knew this wasn’t going to be one of those calls. This friend, I really shouldn’t even call her a friend as our friendship had ended years ago. As the conversation progressed with in the first few minutes it was evident as to why we were no longer friends. Listening to her made me wonder why we had even been friends in high school, but my mother always said I went for the underdog.
After we moved between my sophomore and junior years from NOLA to Shreveport my life had changed. We were living out of district which limited my high school experience. So I suppose I just except that I wouldn’t be in the popular crowd and was happy with the friends I had. After all they liked some of the music I liked. In high school I was just happy to have friends, now years later I can be selective as to whom I want in my life.
So, I’m on the phone with this person and feel like I am talking with a character named Penelope from Saturday Night Live. The thing is I hadn’t even said anything except hello.
The other side of this was that almost everything thing that came out of her mouth felt like a lie. It felt like she had to prove something with tales of grandness. Tales of tragedy that didn’t ring true and tales that just seemed crazy, my intuition wanted to call her on her BS but I just let it slide.
When she stated that she couldn’t remember the last time we spoke, I was very capable of informing her. I told her it was when she showed up at a house I was sharing with friends uninvited with some guy and informed us that she had been in our house the day before when we weren’t home. So this was 1986 and when she hears the story she apologizes. I forgive her and say it’s in the past. Three times during the call she breaks down in tears about this story. She can’t let it go. I told her I was over it. I just have a very good memory and remember a lot more than most. She would go back to her bragging/lying and then more tears.
When I finally started telling her some of the things I had done her tales suddenly changed and she wasn’t one upping. I was calling her on her BS without calling her out. Then she started to cry again before she invited me out to her house for a visit. Her 2600 square foot house on five acres. When someone invites you to stay with them, usually you get we have a guest room or plenty of room, you’re not given a real estate ad. I was noncommittal and felt bad when she is like I really want to be friends again.
I tried to be nice and said okay because somewhere inside I felt sorry for her. I think even when we were in high school I felt that way. Her parents were older and she seemed to be sheltered. For example the question she posed one afternoon while she and a mutual friend were headed to the mall. “Can you get pregnant, if (Boyfriend’s name) lays on top of you naked?”
After high school I learned she didn’t really have a friend code. There was a concert I was going too and unfortunately I had to take someone with as my Mom didn’t want me driving to NOLA by myself. I’m getting ahead of myself. I made the mistake of taking her shopping for my outfit, so she knew exactly what I was wearing. I put in on layaway, (Best thing back in the day.) So, the day of the show she shows me the exact outfit I bought except in a different color. I was pissed. Some may say I shouldn’t have been upset but honestly, I didn’t want to be someone’s twin. I wanted to be me. Granted, our body shapes were completely different so twins we weren’t but it ticked me off. Maybe I was wrong to be upset but I think some will understand.
The other incident that bother me was that I was working at Eckerd Drugs and got her a job there as a backup cashier. A local radio station was giving a trip away to go to Live Aid so another friend and I decided we would do it. You had to listen to the radio from 3:00pm Friday until Midnight Sunday. Before I embarked on this little contest I asked her if she would work my Monday shift as I knew I’d be beat. She said she would. She even confirmed it Sunday. When I called her Monday a few minutes before she was due in she asked me who won. When I told her we had, suddenly she had something to do and wouldn’t be making it in. So I worked, thankfully I was on an adrenaline rush from winning and made it through. When you’re seventeen sleep is not as required.
If you stuck with me by this point you are wondering why I wrote this. Well, yesterday I’d had enough. I posted a joke on FB and she took offense saying I bashed her religion. Truth was it wasn’t. If anything it made the Pope look like a hero and then she brought up my beliefs. Well, when you can’t find anything that makes a friendship work and really have no fondness of the past you shared with this person it is time to walk away or in this case delete and block. While that may seem extreme, I can honestly say I never want to have contact with her.
While she was high drama it made me look back and think of the journey I’ve been on. Life is an adventure and well if my gut or intuition tells me a person isn’t honest, I don’t have time for them in my life. When a friendship is more work than it is worth there is a time to let go and move on. We all grow and change and no matter how much you may want to go back you can’t. So love your friends that you hold dear, you know the ones who enrich your life just by being in it.
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