Two Steps

Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back. It is how we usually feel when we want to  move forward and it doesn’t work out as we planned. We might map it our in our head the way a relationship will blossom, moving to a new home or even a promotion you feel you are destined to get.

Truth is, that we don’t always realize that even the slightest set back actually might be in our favor. Sometimes, we think we see something which we really want. We want it so bad we can taste it some would say. But you have to wonder have you truly thought it out? Is it really what is best for us? In most cases no, we want what we want and we want it NOW! So, when we are denied we feel as if our world is crashing down around us but the truth is it isn’t.

I found myself in this situation recently. My husband needing dialysis( three times a week five hours a day.) is causing upheaval in our life. That isn’t the problem, the problem is too much time for me in the car and bad chairs. The drive home seems so incredibly long every time. My body would long for us to move closer. and that was our intention.  We own a home and this should be an easy fix right? Well, not so fast.

See, I was so focused on what I wanted that I hadn’t fully thought it through I was too busy rushing to the end goal. I had found the perfect house and things were going in a way where we would have money for a down payment. All good things but the truth was that I hadn’t really thought it all through. Had I, well it would’ve played out differently.

So, as I realized this wasn’t going to play out the way I envisioned in the near future, I became filled with sadness. Maybe a better analogy is the pouty kid. Sitting somberly and not being able to focus on anything except what I wasn’t going to get. Truth was as I stepped back I could see something different. I could see ways to do this move better. I could see how I could use my frustration to the benefit of my writing. Maybe in the big picture I wasn’t taking Two steps back maybe I was just stopping to reassess and make this move easier and better for us.  Am I happy that it most likely will be at least a year before we move, no. However, I know there is a time and a reason for everything. Sometimes we just have to wrangle in our patients to keep us in check.

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